My world was shattered this morning

I realized that my favorite conditioner (wash out and leave-in, I use one for both) has silicones in it.  Yes!!!!  Trader Joe's Nourish Spa Moisturizing conditioner has silicones :-(.  This is a sad day my friends.  I've been going silicone free for many months now and was so pleased with the Nourish Spa conditioner.  I'm telling you, I loved this conditioner, I'm talking, I just bought two bottles of this stuff.  So, this morning I'm taking a shower and I just happen to read the ingredients on the bottle and see it.  And it's not like the last ingredient or anything, no no no, it's like number three or four.  Geez.  So, what's my deal with silicones you ask?  

I definitely wouldn't say that silicones are terrible and that other people shouldn't use them, but I've decided to stay away from them.  Silicones are chemicals that coat the hair.  Silicones are often used because they make the hair look smoother and shinier.  Non-water soluble silicones can only really be removed with cleansers like shampoos.  So, since I prefer to not use shampoo I don't use silicones.   Using silicones and not properly cleansing the hair will lead to product build-up.  

So what now?  Well, this afternoon I cleansed my hair with my homemade clay wash and then conditioned with NOT Trader Joe's Nourish Spa.  I think that using my clay wash today, and then using my cleansing co-wash a couple times I should leave me silicone free.

I will say that I'm a little glad this happened.  I have been noticing lately that my hair has been kind of dry.  Well, now I know why.  My hair has been coated by silicones and not allowing any moisture in.  Hopefully after a few weeks of no silicones and deep conditioning once a week my hair will be happy again.  Phew, I thought my hair was dry from the Eco Styler (score, now I can keep using my gel).  

So, tell me, do you use silicones?  Why or why not? 

Until next time…...

Meet my Johnny

Hi there, 

In honor of Valentine's Day I figured I'd introduce you all to my Johnny.  So, John and I have been dating for about a year and a half now.  I must say, this is probably the most interesting relationship I've been in.  For starters, John is 19 years older than I am (Yup, he's 50).  For nexts, John is white.  For thirds (or thrice if your'e a Golden Girls fan) my mother is not a fan (and I mean REALLY not a fan).  I have to say, this has been quite a journey, a wonderful journey.  A journey kind of like a roller coaster ride where you go up and down, and during the down your stomach drops and you hate the feeling and wish it was over until it is over and then you miss it and can't wait for the next drop.

Dating an older man, much older, has been great.  John has had time (and the desire) to see a lot of the world, and that has given him an interesting perspective on life.  I think that John's travels, and maybe just who he is by nature, has given him appreciation for the importance in the simplicity of life that many people, especially people my age and younger, don't have.  Also, John is able to provide a life that most men my age (unless they somehow have the secret to getting all the student loans paid off REAL fast, in which case they should share) can't, and I like that.  Honestly, I haven't found any big cons to dating an older man (we do get the occasional stare, at which time I stare back and then the world is right again).   

Dating a white man, very white, has been great.  Occasionally, I feel like John doesn't get it.  He doesn't know, and never will, what it's like to be a Black person in America.  At these moments, I remember that no man will ever fully be able to understand what it's like to be "me" in America because he won't understand what it's like to be a woman in America.  So, when I feel like John is "race naive" I remember that no one can understand life from everyone's perspective.  Honestly, I haven't found any big cons to dating a white man (again, we do get the occasional stare, but again, I stare back and the world is right again).  

My mom, for many rational reasons, doesn't approve of our relationship.  This has definitely been the toughest thing to deal with regarding our relationship.  It would be nice to be able to have John go to family events with me and have everyone feel comfortable, but I have to accept that that just isn't our reality (at least not for now).  I'm still working on that one, but I know my Mommy, and I know that she'll come around (and then the world will be right again). 

So, overall, I haven't experienced any problems personally or felt any kind of negative way about dating an older white man.  Now, this isn't to say that our relationship is perfect, that we haven't experienced some sideway glances, and that there may not be challenges in the future due to our age and/or race difference.  However, so far, the ride is pretty fun and I'm enjoying it moment by moment.  John's a loving, kind, giving, thoughtful man with an interesting perspective on life and I feel very fortunate to know him.  

I have to admit, I had my reservations about dating an older man (we knew each other for 2 years before I ever even entertained the idea of dating him).  However, in large part due to a book I once read (Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough) and the encouragement of friends, I went for it, and haven't regretted it once since! 

Leave comments below on your thoughts about dating a man who is older and/or of a different race than you.  

This is a picture of John and me this past summer when we went to North Dakota to Bob's Farm (that is the farm that belongs to his friend Bob, not an amusement park, don't bother googling it, not that I googled it, awkward silence as I glance sideways hoping no one knows the truth).  A trip to North Dakota, that's a memory, a very fun one, that I probably wouldn't have gotten dating a 31 year old Black man. 

Until next time…..   

What happens in the shower stays in the shower

Hi there,

I feel like there's a lack in the natural hair community describing what to do with your hair in the shower.  I've wondered this for a while, what do people do with their hair while they take a shower? Leave it out, keep it how you wear it to bed, wear a shower cap, what?  So, I figured I'd share with you what I do with my hair when I shower on the non-wash days (non-wash for hair that is, not body).

If I'm wearing a style out (ie. twist out) I put my hair in a ponytail and put a satin scarf on it.  If my hair is straightened I wrap it around my head, put a satin scarf on and then put a plastic shower cap over the scarf.  I feel as though the steam from the shower causes frizz/puffiness if I have a style out or straightened hair, so I'm sure to cover my hair for those styles.  When my hair is straightened I feel like it's extra important to be sure no water slips through and gets to my hair (hence the shower cap).

I put my hair in a ponytail before showering.  I don't worry about where the ponytail is located (high or low) or how it looks (obviously, not cute).  If all of my hair can't get into the ponytail I put as much in the ponytail as possible and clip the rest.

If my hair is in a wash and go I put my hair in a ponytail (no satin scarf or shower cap).  I feel like the steam from the shower moisturizes my wash and go.  I don't worry too much about my hair getting a little wet if it's in a wash and go.  I have found that a little water (just a little) doesn't affect my wash and go.  I've uploaded a video about my after shower for a wash and go.  This is my first video (hooray).  I did it on my phone so don't expect much.

Let me know what you do with your hair in the shower.

Until next time,
Me

My products…for now at least

Hi there,

It's amazing how doing a wash and go brings out the product junky in me.  So, over the past few months I've tried quite a few products and figured I'd share my thoughts on them with you.  I've ranked/written about the products in each category from most to least favorite.

Cleanser

• Homemade clay wash: I LOVE this wash.  After I use this my hair is moisturized, detangled and clean.  I make mine with 4 oz water (or aloe vera juice if I'm feeling good), 1.5oz Rassoul Clay, 0.5oz Neem oil.  I only use this once per month.  I don't think using this more often would be harmful to my hair, I simply don't find it necessary to make (I make fresh for each use) and use this more often.   

• As I am Coconut Co-wash:  So, as the name implies this is actually a conditioner to be used for washing.  I tried this before and didn't like it, but tried it again recently and really liked it.  This conditioner was very moisturizing and I was able to detangle pretty easily.  I also felt like it cleared the build up on my hair well.    

Co-wash conditioner

• Trader Joe's Nourish Spa:  This conditioner is very moisturizing for my hair and great for detangling.  Also, this conditioner is cheap.  The biggest con with this conditioner is that there is not a Trader Joe's in Florence, so I have to be sure to appropriately stock up on it when I go out of town.  

• Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture:  This conditioner is okay.  It leaves my hair moisturized (but not as much as the Nourish Spa) and this conditioner is pretty good for detangling.    This conditioner is also pretty inexpensive and will likely be my go-to option if I don't have the Nourish Spa.  

• Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle:  This conditioner is pretty good for moisturizing and detangling, but I don't like the way it smells. 

• Renpure Argan Oil Luxurious:  I've only tried this conditioner once, so I need to try it again before giving it a fair review.  From my first impression it wasn't great for moisturizing or detangling, but again, I need to use it a couple more times before really knowing.  

Leave-in conditioner (I like to leave some conditioner in my hair for extra moisture and then put other products on top)

• Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture:  This is my favorite for a leave in because it provides moisture, I can detangle with it on if need be, it's cheap, and it works well under other products.

• Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle: I like this one a lot as a leave in for all the reasons listed for Tresemme, but as stated before, I don't like the smell, so medicinal. 

• Trader Joe's Nourish Spa:  I only tried this as a leave in once and didn't like it at all.  This didn't do well underneath my gel and left my hair with a white coat that did not go away. Yuck 

Leave in product

• Kinky curly knot today:  I LOVE this product.  This is such a great detangler, it provides moisture, and works well with other products.  However, I do wish this was a bit less expensive. 

• Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair Moisturizing Curl Activating Cream:  I really like this product, this product is moisturizing and has a nice smell (although it is strong if you are sensitive to smells).  I do wish this product was better for detangling, it's just okay for detangling.  This product is moisturizing works well with other products and isn't expensive.

Gel/holder

• Eco Styler Gel Krystal (Clear):  I love this product.  I get great hold and definition and this product isn't as drying as some gels.  The eco styler gels are also quite inexpensive.  

• Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair Shine and Define Custard.  I like this product a lot.  The only reason I like this less than Eco styler is because it takes a long time to dry and doesn't keep the definition for as many days as the Eco Styler Gel.  However, this is more moisturizing than the gel so it's a very close second and sometimes I do like to use it just because.  

• Eco Styler Gel Protein (Brown):  I like this product.  This product gives hold and definition (although not as much as the clear) and leaves my hair softer than the clear.  However I like the clear better because this brown gel is protein heavy and protein heavy products aren't good in my hair.

• Eco Styler Gel Argan Oil (Yellow):  I like this product because it gives good hold and definition; however, like the brown this product is protein heavy and that doesn't work well for my hair.  

• She Moisture Curl Enhancing Souffle:  I absolutely don't like this product for wash and go (although I do think it's probably good for twist/braid outs).  This product does not give me good definition.  Also, this product is hard to use because you have to use a very VERY small amount or it leaves your hair sticky and disgusting.  However, I may just need to figure out how to use this product.  

Deep conditioning conditioner

• Naked Honey & Almond Moisture Whipped Conditioner:  I LOVE LOVE LOVE this.  My mom's hair stylist gave a sample of this to her for christmas, what a tease.  I left this on for 30 minutes under heat and my hair was SO SOFT afterward.  I think this would be good as a co-wash conditioner too but since I only had a little bit I didn't want to waste any of it.  

• Trader Joe's Nourish Spa:  I like this a lot as a deep conditioner.  I haven't tried this with heat, only on my hair overnight.  The next morning my hair was left soft.  I don't doubt it would be good too with heat.  

Second day hair using Tresemme Naturals (as leave in), Cantu Shea Butter Curl Activating Cream, Eco Styler Clear 

Leave a comment and let me know what you use and/or if you've used any of these products what are your thoughts on them?  

Until next time…..