Meet my Johnny

Hi there, 

In honor of Valentine's Day I figured I'd introduce you all to my Johnny.  So, John and I have been dating for about a year and a half now.  I must say, this is probably the most interesting relationship I've been in.  For starters, John is 19 years older than I am (Yup, he's 50).  For nexts, John is white.  For thirds (or thrice if your'e a Golden Girls fan) my mother is not a fan (and I mean REALLY not a fan).  I have to say, this has been quite a journey, a wonderful journey.  A journey kind of like a roller coaster ride where you go up and down, and during the down your stomach drops and you hate the feeling and wish it was over until it is over and then you miss it and can't wait for the next drop.

Dating an older man, much older, has been great.  John has had time (and the desire) to see a lot of the world, and that has given him an interesting perspective on life.  I think that John's travels, and maybe just who he is by nature, has given him appreciation for the importance in the simplicity of life that many people, especially people my age and younger, don't have.  Also, John is able to provide a life that most men my age (unless they somehow have the secret to getting all the student loans paid off REAL fast, in which case they should share) can't, and I like that.  Honestly, I haven't found any big cons to dating an older man (we do get the occasional stare, at which time I stare back and then the world is right again).   

Dating a white man, very white, has been great.  Occasionally, I feel like John doesn't get it.  He doesn't know, and never will, what it's like to be a Black person in America.  At these moments, I remember that no man will ever fully be able to understand what it's like to be "me" in America because he won't understand what it's like to be a woman in America.  So, when I feel like John is "race naive" I remember that no one can understand life from everyone's perspective.  Honestly, I haven't found any big cons to dating a white man (again, we do get the occasional stare, but again, I stare back and the world is right again).  

My mom, for many rational reasons, doesn't approve of our relationship.  This has definitely been the toughest thing to deal with regarding our relationship.  It would be nice to be able to have John go to family events with me and have everyone feel comfortable, but I have to accept that that just isn't our reality (at least not for now).  I'm still working on that one, but I know my Mommy, and I know that she'll come around (and then the world will be right again). 

So, overall, I haven't experienced any problems personally or felt any kind of negative way about dating an older white man.  Now, this isn't to say that our relationship is perfect, that we haven't experienced some sideway glances, and that there may not be challenges in the future due to our age and/or race difference.  However, so far, the ride is pretty fun and I'm enjoying it moment by moment.  John's a loving, kind, giving, thoughtful man with an interesting perspective on life and I feel very fortunate to know him.  

I have to admit, I had my reservations about dating an older man (we knew each other for 2 years before I ever even entertained the idea of dating him).  However, in large part due to a book I once read (Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough) and the encouragement of friends, I went for it, and haven't regretted it once since! 

Leave comments below on your thoughts about dating a man who is older and/or of a different race than you.  

This is a picture of John and me this past summer when we went to North Dakota to Bob's Farm (that is the farm that belongs to his friend Bob, not an amusement park, don't bother googling it, not that I googled it, awkward silence as I glance sideways hoping no one knows the truth).  A trip to North Dakota, that's a memory, a very fun one, that I probably wouldn't have gotten dating a 31 year old Black man. 

Until next time…..   

What happens in the shower stays in the shower

Hi there,

I feel like there's a lack in the natural hair community describing what to do with your hair in the shower.  I've wondered this for a while, what do people do with their hair while they take a shower? Leave it out, keep it how you wear it to bed, wear a shower cap, what?  So, I figured I'd share with you what I do with my hair when I shower on the non-wash days (non-wash for hair that is, not body).

If I'm wearing a style out (ie. twist out) I put my hair in a ponytail and put a satin scarf on it.  If my hair is straightened I wrap it around my head, put a satin scarf on and then put a plastic shower cap over the scarf.  I feel as though the steam from the shower causes frizz/puffiness if I have a style out or straightened hair, so I'm sure to cover my hair for those styles.  When my hair is straightened I feel like it's extra important to be sure no water slips through and gets to my hair (hence the shower cap).

I put my hair in a ponytail before showering.  I don't worry about where the ponytail is located (high or low) or how it looks (obviously, not cute).  If all of my hair can't get into the ponytail I put as much in the ponytail as possible and clip the rest.

If my hair is in a wash and go I put my hair in a ponytail (no satin scarf or shower cap).  I feel like the steam from the shower moisturizes my wash and go.  I don't worry too much about my hair getting a little wet if it's in a wash and go.  I have found that a little water (just a little) doesn't affect my wash and go.  I've uploaded a video about my after shower for a wash and go.  This is my first video (hooray).  I did it on my phone so don't expect much.

Let me know what you do with your hair in the shower.

Until next time,
Me