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Hello lovely people,
This weekend my sister did something that I completely disagree with, and I thought I'd get you wonderful people to chime in and give your thoughts. My niece (who will be 2 in May) recently started playing soccer. Well, on Saturday morning she missed soccer because my sister had started taking the braids out of my niece's hair, and didn't get finished in time for soccer. So I said, why didn't you just leave the braids in and take them out after soccer. However, she declared that her hair looked too bad to leave those braids in. Well, I was shocked and appalled that hair kept my niece from getting out, moving, exercising, and having fun. Now not to come down on my sister, because this type of phenomenon is something that I've seen repeatedly, and have been bothered by each time (and since I'm not a parent I can't say what I would have done in this situation).
In working at after school programs I have witnessed multiple little Black girls being told to not get dirt in their hair while playing. I've also seen one little girl get in trouble when being picked up by her mother because she got dirt in her hair. Also, I've seen staff working at an after school program tell a little girl that she couldn't play on certain equipment out of fear that she would get dirt in her hair which would lead to a very unhappy parent at pick up time.
Now, all of these scenarios really bother me because it is sending the message, in my humble opinion, that it is more important to make sure that your hair is maintained "properly" than it is for you to have fun or to exercise. Although I'm sure this isn't the message these people are trying to send to their daughters, in reality it is exactly what is being communicated. To me, this is punishing little Black girls for doing what it is that children do, and for doing something that everyone else is being allowed to do freely.
So, I'd like to hear from you all, especially parents. Do you think that these types of scenarios send the message of hair/beauty comes before fun and exercise? If you're a parent have you ever done anything similar? Let me know....
That's all for now,
Tootles
Its not that i'm punishing my daughter for getting dirty, its about looking presentable while being out! I personally want my kids to know that when they go out they need to act presentable as well as look presentable. Not to please others but too represent who they are! They are brilliant, beautiful, wondrously, & wonderfully made beings created by the Marvelous Most High God! They know this & they will continue to be taught to exemplify this at all times. They are to take pride in their relationships, their attitudes & yes their appearances! Plus....to set the record straight Auntie Shayna! Taylinn whom is wonderfully natural, had her hair braided into a mohawk with beads attached. The night before I was able to take out 1 1/2 braids and all of her beads except 6 braids worth. So no, I wasn't going to take her out looking like that. Also we are making up the class on Tuesday!
ReplyDeleteHi Shayna,
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you are bringing this issue to the forefront.I have watched many parents (and not just Black parents)stifle their young children's play for the fear of becoming unpresentable. And let's be honest, many women (especially Black women) avoid activities like swimming and exercising because they don't want to mess up their hair. So, as a young parent, I always felt it was more important to foster my children's creativity and love for play and activity over fear of their getting dirty or their hair getting messed up. I am proud to say that my children are well-behaved, well-mannered and adventurous. However, as I have watched them grow,I have also watched them struggle with appearance issues. I suspect this is because they did not get a strong enough foundation in the importance of appearance and the methods of maintaining one's appearance. Now as a much older parent, I think it is important to strike a balance between teaching our children how to look presentable and teaching them how to have fun to the fullest. This is especially important for our daughters because women are heavily judged on their appearance and because there is a process to keeping one's hair and appearance in good order. If you don't learn the process at a young age, it becomes very difficult to learn it later.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to have received comments from the two of you. I suppose this is a topic that it's a bit difficult for me to speak to since I don't personally have children yet. However, I imagine that it is a delicate balance that must be found between living life and looking your best while doing it.....