Hey there my lovelies,
So I came across this video while I was perusing Curly Niki's blog. This is the video for Willow Smith's song, "Whip My Hair." When I first watched this video I did not like it. I was at first very caught up in the fact that this 9 year old was rockin a Mohawk. I was a bit shocked that a child was allowed to make such a daring hair move. When I got my first big hair cut I was 18. Please believe that the fact that I was 18 and out of my parents' house did not stop my mother from lecturing me about my hair and telling me what a big mistake it was and how I'd regret cutting my hair. The more I watched Willow's video the more I began to like it. I like the fact that she is brave enough to be different-because I mean how many little girls do you know wearing a Mohawk/Fohawk-I also like that she has embraced her own personal style, and that she acknowledges that it's just hair and we all have different styles, textures, and preferences concerning it, and it's a pretty catchy little song ;-) So, I wanted to hear from you all: at what age do you think it's okay to let your child take charge of her/his own hair care? When is it okay for the child to decide to straighten/color/cut etc. her or his hair?
I want to hear what you all think about this both parents and non-parents :-)
Tootles for now,
Me
I have a lot to say on that topic so if you ever want to discuss in depth, call me! But, for blog comment purposes I guess I'd have to answer that question saying once my child is no longer under my roof and financial support, then they have the freedom to do what he/she will with his/her hair. However, I'd remember the promise in the Word that if I train a child in the way s/he should go, s/he won't depart once s/he grows older. As for Willow--one word: unacceptable! She is 9. Or however old. she is a child. and there is a HUGE problem in this world today with young people growing up way too fast (and not in a good way--i.e. learning responsibility at an earlier age). Children are children and a lot of childhoods are being missed because of poor decisions and some parents giving too much "freedom" to children at an age where they are not capable to fully make rational and thoughtful decisions. I'll stop here. This has gone beyond terse already!
ReplyDeleteAs a parent, with natural hair, I plan to let my kids make their own decisions regarding how they wear their hair. Permanent coloring and perms will have to wait until they are 18. I am not okay with perms, hi/ low lites, or frosted tips at a young age because of the chemicals involved and because I believe that they are placing too much emphasis on their physical appearance, rather than who they are as a person. I prefaced my statement with my being a natural hair parent because I have come to believe that hair is just hair. It grows back. People have become too attached to their hair. Little black girls are growing up thinking that their hair is not beautiful unless it is straight and hanging down their back. I think that it is important to learn how to take care of our hair in its natural state. Personally, I don't see how choosing a hair style makes a child too grown or what it has to do with their morals. My concern would be with the clothes that they are allowed to wear. So far, I haven't seen Willow dressed in anything that is inappropriate for her age. I applaud her parents for allowing her to be herself. I think she will grow up to be someone whose confidence is not based on other's opinions, which is something that is important as a female and as a child whose parents are in the public eye. I'm sorry to go off on a slight tangent, but you don't "train" children, they are not animals. You teach and you empower them, so that they will make good decisions without your supervision. We have all seen the preacher's kids (PK's) who go wild when their parents are not in sight. Heck, I married one and I was very surprised to learn about the trouble the he and his other pk friends got into. I think the problem stems from us training children to be so concerned with their outer appearance that we forget to develop who they are as person.
ReplyDelete"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." ~Proverbs 22:6
ReplyDeleteI forgot, can't argue with anything in the Bible. Perhaps Proverbs explains why there are so many corrupt people in the church, must be all the TRAINING. Let's forget that I am a parent and learneded the basic tenets of Child Development as a psychology major. Besides, quoting scripture still doesn't explain the connection between allowing children to make simple decisions such as what hairstyle they want or having some input in what they wear, and the problems we are now facing as a society. I believe that this so called training leads to intolerance, perhaps why we may be seeing such a rise in bullying and teenage suicides. I think it is interesting that most notable humanitarians and human rights activist come from outside of the Christian faith. Let's not forget that there was once a time when the Bible was used to support slavery or that blind acceptance of authority is what led to the Holocaust and Jonestown. There is a difference in being an authoritative parent and an authoritarian. One allows your child to express themselves within boundaries while the other trains your child to let someone else do the thinking for them. Perhaps someone with more parenting experience than I will give us their thoughts....
ReplyDeleteIt's great that we all have such different opinions when it comes to religion, self images, raising children, etc...etc..... But I personally agree with Shunta. I don't believe that CHILDREN have the right to make their own decisions until they are at an age where they can understand the reprecussions of making those decisions. Our jobs as parents are to teach/train (they both mean the SAME thing in this text) them to love themselves and others. I believe this can be done whether they have natural hair or relaxed hair. It is all about the parenting not the hair pattern! Taiken0518 you are saying that you will allow the child to make their own hair decisions, but essentially you are contradicting yourself because you also say that you will not allow them to color their hair or get it relaxed. Well if that is what they want then they should be able to make that decision from what the rest of your post is saying. Self image is not based on whether you have a short afro or long flowing locks its based on what is learned from our parents, family and peers. Train our children to love themselves (and others) whether they're short/tall, lighter skinned/darker skinned, or fat/skinny. That's what we should be focusing on as parents and as a society. Taiken0518 back to the training part. Yeahhhh I must agree that there are a lot of wild PKs out there. But my parents had the same beliefs that a lot of ministers do train up a child, and I did not go wild (don't laugh Shayna). Just like anything in life it ultimately depends on the individual. A lot of PKs feel they have something to prove to others. The fact that they can be like society eventhough their parents are ministers. That doesnt have anything to do with the bible and training our kids but thats where the parents need to realize that their children can learn about God and live for God with being overly religious. If I were ever to be called I pray that I'll remember the fact that my children are just that children and need to enjoy their childhood. Sooo with that being said my kids are allowed to have an opinion but they're parents will make the decisions for them until they are at least high school age when it comes to hair, clothes, and anything else we see fit.
ReplyDeletechiropeek, so you are saying that children don't have the capacity to understand repercussions until they are in high school? My 2 yr old must be exceptional because he certainly understands the repercussions of misbehavior. Also,there a number of studies that show even in infancy, children understand cause and effect. But let's back up, what repercussions can possibly come from a child choosing their hairstyle? I made the statement about being natural hair because through this journey I have become a lot more relaxed when it comes to decisions regarding hair, and I am seeking to live a much more natural and relaxed lifestyle. My apologies for the contradiction. That post went through a few revisions as I sought to clarify my thoughts. I have a problem with perms/relaxers/permanent coloring since the chemicals involved in those processes have been proven to have negative effects on more than just hair. I am okay with temporary color such as using koolaid to color your hair. I don't know how its done, but I would be willing to explore it with my kid. I will leave the teach/train argument for another day because that can be a whole discussion, for me, all by itself. I am learning there is a power in words and it is important to be careful in the words that we choose to use because there are connotations and implications attached. Simply put, its where our true intentios lie... I think it is important to teach our children to think for themselves. How are they to reach their full potential when we do all their thinking for them? The basic premise of Montessori schools is CHILD directed learning. That means CHILDREN DECIDE what they learn. How can you argue with the success rates of these schools? And these children also go on to have much financial success. Hair plays a huge role in a woman's self image, especially black women. There is a study that suggests a correlation between relaxing hair and the high incidence of obesity in black women. They argued that women with perms are less likely to exercise or eat properly because they are more likely to spend their money on perms rather than on nutritious foods. Now it may be propaganda, but it is interesting to contemplate. Why is there a need to relax hair at all? Because its more acceptable than natural hair? Why is relaxed hair more acceptable than natural hair? I agree wholeheartedly on teachng our children to love themselves, and that kids should be kids. What I don't agree with is making the connection between allowing a child to choose their hairstyle and the problems we are facing as a society or moral corruption. And I don't understand how choosing a hairstyle has anything to do with kids being kids and having too much responsibilities. The point I was making with PKs is that trainging a child in the Word is no guarantee nor is it the only solution. I had a lot of responsibility growing up, and I am not morally corrupt and I enjoyed my childhood. Moreover, how many responsible adutls have you met, that didn't have any responsibilities as a child? I believe that argument was very narrowminded and it is that narrowmindedness that is partly to blame for the condition of our society. One can just as easily point out all the bad that has been done in the name of God and justify it with the Word.
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